'Beautiful Music'

Frozen.

An image captured in time...

Memories...

A picture that you stumble upon suddenly, 

causing all those old feelings to surface once again.

"Did I dream it?"

((No, this is the window that proves it was real.))

What wonders pictures hold.

With just one glance, 

they can take you right back to a moment, 

flooding your mind with feeling...

Sometimes causing your heart to ache just as it did when it was breaking.

*Sighs...*

But to reminisce.

I can't recall who it was that once said, all artists are mad...

Perhaps it was a friend...

My memory has never served me well,

but at the time, 

I'm sure I laughed.

So, I gave myself five days to work and took six.

The extra day I had to take in order to re-mend the heart strings 

that I had tugged on to create my latest piece for Ethereal Chaos.

It's funny how I operate in order to create something beautiful...

Music.

It touches us all.

Everyone has a favorite song that moves them.

Remembering the past...

Words that could invoke a future...

Regardless of the genre, melody, harmony, artist or pace...

Music is relative to feeling.

Profound how each beast is soothed by chords of a familiar tune.

Perhaps it's the subconscious reminder that we aren't the only ones to have gone 

through which ever it is that moves us.

Which brings me to introduce my latest build...

A violin series I have entitled 'The Violence-N-Us'...

There will be eleven in this particular series,

soon to be followed by a light series as well.

The usage of the products are so very simple.

All one has to do is add the item on as an attachment and the animation will begin.

The name of the violin (which is different from the next as the inspiration for each was unique,)

 whispers to the violinist and the audience a haunted message.

But there's more!

With just one click, the instrument will begin to play its melody.

This series' tune is the gypsy song, which is about a minute and forty-six seconds long.

The sound is so fluid, I was amazed that I was able to pull this off!

The inspiration for this series came to me as I was cleaning out my computer...

And had found a hidden folder of my Second Life past.

Haunting, really.

Every man that I had loved...

Every heart ache...

Returned to me,

 one by one.

I live by this strange philosophy that the things we see, hear, experience, in their time and place...

We are meant to see them...

Hear them...

Experience them...

But we must listen, for they are messages sifted through time that are meant just for you.

I can't drive myself crazy with these notions...

I've been "here" for a long time now.

*Smiles*

'The First'

Mr. Crosby.

He stumbled upon me working at a strip club, 

the very first "job" I ever had in SL.

To him I was new and naive to the "game", as it were.

Untouched...

Untainted.

Pure.

I knew absolutely nothing of possibilities...

He had opened a whole new world to me.

Filled it with meaning...

With purpose...

He had taught me everything I ever needed to know about Second Life...

How to dress, how to determine the best of the best, and how to read people by the way they presented their avatars to the rest.

We had a common ground that drew me in instantly...

Creating and people.

All this knowledge spiraling about my head...

What could be done in this world became very real to me...

Not only to utilize it to create,

but to fill an emptiness that I had allowed to consume me whole for far too long.

Emotional attachments...

Love...

He captivated me, possessed me,

and controlled my mind...

My thoughts/ideas/notions were only for him and

I wanted none other...

And he saw to it that I wouldn't

 throughout the unknown duration of our time spent together. 

He was (and still is to this day) a builder.

While I sat by his side,

over and over again would 

I find myself fascinated with his mind 

as I watched it work at its own pace...

His builds were amazing...

He would always surprise me as I anticipated his technique to take a 

different route, questioning the one not taken.

Intentional...

Deliberate...

Just like an artist,

I saw him as technical (so not me) and his builds were masterpieces to say the least.

I would observe quietly trying to soak up everything I was seeing happen right before my eyes.

The very first time he had asked me to attempt to build something,

I became nervous...

I remember not being able to concentrate or recall the words he had just expressed to me...

I had done it all wrong as I hard as I had tried, it wasn't right.

So, forever afraid to attempt the feat again in his presence,

I refused to anger him.

And reverted back to something I knew how to do...

That was to be sensual...

I would dance while he would build and he couldn't stand it...

It threw him off track and distracted him from projects...

I did it so I could help fund him, as to repay him for all he had done for me...

He hated it and eventually, resented me.

He was never a very patient man...

I still can't see him as ever being patient even after all this time.

Despite it all...

The love and loss...

I did love him.

He will always remind me of the rain.

So out on my own I went...

Lost,

but soon found by...

'The Fighter'

Mr. Damiano.

At this time I had quit the club I had worked at.

I felt the need to disappear...

To start a new...

Were all clubs like this?

Men as the vultures, swooping in on the prey unexpectedly.

Whispering sweet nothings in women's ears to get what they wanted...?

To win the fairest maiden who'd writhe in serpentine motions about a cool steel shaft...

I began to look at all the men as being the same...

All looking for the same thing and the more I would think about it, the more it had upset me.

And wouldn't you know...

Down to my last bit of Linden that had lasted me about a week after the split with Mr. Crosby,

and where would I find myself looking for answers...?

I was preparing to drop my application in at the Twisted Orchid.

The things a girl has to do, eh?

Just as I was about to place the application in the box,

I received an IM, greeting me cordially.

Mr. Damiano began to introduce himself in punctuated paraphrasing.

His emotes came to me in a third person perspective...

*Mr. Damiano smiles as he allows his ember eyes to flit about the lithe frame of the girl before him.*

Immediately intrigued I had replied accordingly...

It became a new game to me...

Something that I hadn't seen.

He asked me if I had ever been to a combat sim before...

As I had informed him that I never had,

he dropped a landmark on me, 

whispering before he disappeared into a few sparkling specs of virtual dust...

"If you're ever interested, you can find me here..."

I had given it some thought...

I had just gotten out of a relationship.

This didn't seem to be the typical pickup line...

And it was something...

different.

I mulled it over and ended up tping to the combat sim known as Lost City.

Mr. Damiano was sitting on the ledge of a building, 

just above me as if he had been anticipating my arrival.

He introduced me to the combat system XRPS... 

One of the original combat systems that is no more.

The more I was with him the more I had learned...

He was there when the system was created...

Had been a fighter before...

Had a clan...

He knew everything.

The moves to anticipate when fighting a battle and the counter to each....

He trained me to be his healer...

When he felt I was ready, 

we went out into the city...

And I quickly found out how "disliked" he was.

He was a trouble maker who was well known...

Not by this name, but his original character...

The look of the avatar gave it away as they looked exactly the same.

Both he and I would be jumped on a regular basis.

Attacks coming from every which direction...

And with all the practice,

we won.

Two against this world.

He began to worry when he was logged off.

Our time frames were completely different as he was located in Germany and I in the States.

When he would log, I became a target...

He couldn't bare the thought of me not being protected,

so he started a clan and I collected the people.

He built me a palace...

Yes, another builder and one of the most romantic men I have ever known...

When he would voice with me, he would sing and strum his guitar...

Once again, I fell in Love.

This combat sim would also require role play, 

the "lyrical splendor" which ensnared me into his world.

As time went on,

people had taken notice of me...

And once they "played" with me...

They wanted more.

Mr. Damiano's jealousy and controlling nature grew stronger...

And his absence grew longer.

He later abandoned me, 

leaving this little family for me to tend to and with his complete disappearance,

I became leader of the clan he left behind teaching them all I had learned.

Our little clan began to grow, 

and in time became a notable faction...

The more responsibility poured itself on me,

the more time it forced me to dedicate to it...

It drained me completely.

So many personalities to deal with...

became daunting and I became someone else.

This was definitely a pivotal point in my SL career...

This is the point, I lost myself completely.

These...

followers...

Became childlike to me...

I felt the constant need to care for them and it was a job... 

Everyone putting out there their need for me...

That feeling of being pulled in five million directions at once over took my mind...

I eventually slipped away and went off on my own.

After I left the faction,

it crumbled shortly then after.

And when I was at a breaking point...

Weak and feeling completely alone...

Along came...

The One.

'The Blade'

Mr. Blade.

We ran into each other one day during RP. 

I played an ancient neko roaming the streets of this post apocalyptic world and was ALWAYS in character and ready to interact.

He caught my attention by playfully tugging on my tail and well being the "professional" role player that I had been my character had immediately warned him that not everyone would take kindly to having that done unto them... 

After my words had left my head and onto the screen to be shared...

He was gone.

He had disappeared for a few weeks...

I loved the "look" of his character...

I began to think about him more and more the longer he wasn't anywhere to be seen...

And finally took the time to read his profile.

(For the record, I am NOT a profile reader... Words come as I interact with you and this is the way I get to know you. I will not read profiles because that is the the internal... what drives a person. I find it much more appealing to peel the layers one by one myself.)

I read "him".

Heart broken was he...

And alone it appeared...

Just like me.

Scorned.

Betrayed.

Searching...

I began to worry I would never see him again and thought to myself...

Would he ever get to know "me".

One day, he returned.

The women around him should have tipped me off as a prelude of the things to come...

I was blind, but I refused to chase him.

If he wanted it...

He would come...

And he did.

He started talking to me again...

Only this talk was not in character...

It was OOC (out of character).

And once again,

I began to feel real.

We spent hours together with every tidbit of information being exchanged producing another connection,one being that of a particular interest... 

We lived in the same state a mere two hours away from each other.

He fell in Love with me quickly and I can admit that I was taken by his pursuit and consistent courting rituals.

I began to get that feeling as if it was too good to be true.

A man...

One who could actually understand me...

My depths...

My mind...

My heart.

He insisted that we meet.

I insisted that time take its course.

Real Life for me was hectic...

Second Life had become a release....

But everyday, it never failed.

His poetry was there to greet me as soon as I logged on.

Something new everyday.

A loving message letting me know that he was thinking about me...

A song...

He INSISTED that he was different from all others and was relentless.

So, I promised him a date...

One in Real,

in which we would meet.

The days flew by for me but for him it seemed to come along too slow...

But it came.

And we met...

We made love...

And became an item.

For the first time in my life had I felt like I had actually connected in every way I had ever wanted to with another human being.

Finally...

The ability to be myself.

I asked him to wait for four months to meet...

We ended up living together for a year.

I slipped away from Second Life.

As long as I was with him,

I had no need for it any longer.

But taking him into my life and the distance between as short as it was...

I also gave up my Real Life as well.

I quit college and moved away from home to be with him.

All I wanted was to devote myself

mind body and soul...

to him.

Yet again time wields wounds just as words would...

The poetry faded...

And every tear I would shed from then on became a hopeful reminder that I would never be the one to hurt him... The same woman he met in a video game... Had not changed the heart that beat so fiercely for him.

He fell out of Love...

The last day I seen him was June of last year...

It was also the last day I would make love to him...

And the last day I would gently hold his face and kiss his lips goodbye.

Admittedly,

I feel that as much as I fight it...

As much as I try.

I am still in Love with him...

Despite it all.

The biggest hurt...

The greatest Love.

My heart cut by the blade.

But here I am today...

Doing what I love to do.

Searching my soul and finding myself piece by piece.

A picture is like a song...

My latest build is a dedication to the trail of all that 

I've left behind pushing myself to move forward.

I'm so much more,

thanks to all of you.

Thank you for my suffering...