'The Flood...'

My mind once again races in the dark hours

of my day. The majority, fast asleep by now 

or waking up from at least a decent night's sleep...

As for me...

Flashes behind veiled orbs.

Crimson and Black...

Haunting me...

I can't sleep properly these days.

Next month, 

it will be one year gone by since the "incident"

that changed my entire Life.

I can recall exactly where I was

and exactly what I was doing...

Funny that it's somewhat similar to

what I'm doing now.

I've referenced the machine...

That's what I've been.

But back then,

before...

I was unstoppable

and saw nothing else but my task at hand.

Sadly,

with thoughts weighing heavy on my mind

and coming to this realization,

I feel myself beginning to slow down.

Not intentionally,

rather instinctual...

My mind and its tricks...

I can't do this.

This being, 

holding onto a fear of something that

has already happened...

But,

I still see his face...

I still hear the words...

In stillness,

I falter.

My heart sinks every time

it crosses my mind...

I need strength...

Who have I become?

Fuck...

Sometimes I remember who I used to be...

I've always known who I wanted to be...

But, 

I'm different now...

And I'm sorry...

I'm so sorry.

I needed to vent...

And breathe.